


Dean.

by therapybegins



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Major character death - Freeform, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-19 10:34:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8202293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therapybegins/pseuds/therapybegins
Summary: *Warning! MCD* Dean was a firefighter that helped put out the twin tower fires. He died in his rescue mission and every year on his birthday and on September 11th, Sam flies from LA to visit his brother on a street near where the towers were. A series of speeches Sam makes to his brother, varying from an "I miss you" to confessions of regrets and various stages of grief.





	

January 24th, 2002

“Hello, Dean,” Sam Winchester choked out as he watched people continue to clean up the debris of the World Trade Center. “I’m-”

He took a shaky breath, tears pooling in his eyes. He wiped furiously at his face, kicked away from the wall he was leaning against and started back for the airport. He took about ten steps away before he turned around and looked back at the wreckage. “Happy Birthday,” he whispered.

 

September 11th, 2002

“Hey, Dean,” Sam said softly, standing against the same wall he had earlier that year and looked in the space where Dean had given his life. “Today marks a year. The world’s gone to hell. We’re at war now.”

He paused for a few minutes, sipping at his coffee and watching the busy street. New York had regained some of its life since January.

“I wish our last conversation wasn’t an argument. I wish that you could have visited me at Stanford the originally planned weekend instead of promising Thanksgiving, because – because you never made Thanksgiving. Instead, you had to be good. You had to work and go and save people. And then you had to die and I hate you for it. I wish you weren’t so good, because then I could still have you here. But you just had to be the hero and -” Sam broke off into a sob.

He stared silently at the empty space, hopelessly wishing for God to hear his prayers.

“Dad started drinking. We barely talk now. He doesn’t like that I’m in another state with you and Mom gone. He thinks I’m leaving him. In a way I guess I am. We never did get along, though I had hoped we would be closer now.”

 

January 24th, 2003

“Jo starts college in the fall. She’s trying to convince Ellen to let her go to Seattle. She wants to go to The University of Washington, but Ellen can’t afford out of state tuition and doesn’t want Jo to have much debt. You know how Jo didn’t do too well in high school.”

Sam paused to take a sip of his hot chocolate.

“I brought you a hot chocolate, too. I know how much you like it. Happy twenty-fourth, Dean,” Sam sighed. “I wish you were here.”

He spent the rest of his stay in silence, his tears burning his skin in the cold air.

 

September 11th, 2003

“I met a woman. Her name is Jess. You would’ve liked her. She has the brightest smile. You both have your birthday on the same day.”

 

January 24th, 2004

“Jo met a woman at Ellen’s bar last Christmas. Her name is Charlie. Charlie is a wonderful. Most of us were surprised when they started dating, because Jo crushed on you for so long that none of us thought she was bisexual. I don’t think she even considered it until she met Charlie.”

Sam set the extra hot chocolate down on the ground.

“Jess and I re now in a relationship. I think I’m in love with her. She’s really understanding about my visits with you and doesn’t hold it against me for missing her birthday. Maybe one day you can meet her.”

Someone bustled past him and kicked over the hot chocolate. Sam felt a flash of irritation, but simply picked up the mess.

“It doesn’t get any easier – not having you here. I miss talking to you, fighting with you. I miss the support you offered me. I never stopped to tell you how much I appreciated it. I never told you how much it meant to me when you showed up to my debate events, or took me out for ice cream in middle school. I took it all for granted. I’m so sorry that I never told you how much everything meant. You spent so much time being my parent that you sometimes forgot to be my brother, but you were always there, and I’m sorry for blaming you for Dad’s mistakes. I never apologized and I was selfish and I wasn’t able to grow up and realize it until you were gone.” Sam took in a shuddering breath and wrapped his jacket around himself tighter.

“I wish they had found your body so that you could have a resting place. I know that you never believed in a God or a Creator of some form, but I do. I wish you were back home in Kansas. I know how much you loved it back home before you moved to New York in my senior year.”

“I’m sorry I blamed you for leaving.”

September 11th, 2004

“Jess and I had a fight. I know that if you were here you would cuff my head and tell me that I’m a bitch. I know that she’s out of my league and that the fight was over something dumb, Jerk,” Sam smiled.

“I’m going to do something nice for her when I get back and apologize. I love her. She’s so much better for me than Ruby or Bela ever were. She’s in med school – wants to become a heart surgeon. I don’t think I told you that.”

 

January 24th, 2005

“I miss you.”

 

September 11th, 2005

“Dad disappeared. He left a note saying he was going hunting in the mountains, but that was in July and no one has heard from him since. Missouri says he’s alright, though. I know you would say her psychic powers are bullshit, but she’s never been wrong.”

“I proposed to Jess last month. She said yes. We’re going to get married after graduation, but before we start the next part of school. Jo and Charlie are still together and Charlie started her own tech business. She graduated from MIT last year. I’m not sure how she managed to afford to fly back to Kansas as often as she did, and I don’t want to ask.”

“I met this really cool guy in class. He runs the discussion. He has an angel name – Castiel. It’s not a well-known angel, but the angel Castiel is badass. Cas likes bees and classic cars like you. Apparently you two used to be best friends in kindergarten and first grade before his family moved to California. He has pictures of you two together.”

 

January 24th, 2006

“Happy twenty-sixth birthday.” Sam gripped Jess’s hand tight. She watched quietly as Sam set down a hot chocolate onto the sidewalk. “This is Jess.” Sam paused again, his throat constricting.

“Hi, Dean,” Jess said quietly. “Sam has told me much about you, and I’m glad to meet you. I’ve heard wonderful things about how you took care of Sam, and I want to say thank you. I’ve also heard wonderful stories about you from Jo, Ellen, and Bobby, and you sound like a wonderful brother.”

She stopped talking and looked over at Sam to see him smiling at her softly. She knew she had said the right thing.

 

September 11th, 2006

“Hey, Dean. Dad passed away this year. He drank himself to death. I’m not that upset about it, which makes me upset. I feel that I should feel more about his passing, but I don’t. Jess and I are married now. It’s harder than I thought it would be.”

“Cas is probably my best friend aside from you and Jess. He’s engaged to this guy named Luke, even though it isn’t legal in California yet. Luke seems to be alright, but he flirts with everyone.”

 

January 24th, 2007

“I still miss you a lot, but I feel like I’m beginning to heal. It’s still not easy, but somehow you being gone is more manageable. I feel guilty about it, but I also know you want me to be happy. I am happy, even though you aren’t here.”

 

September 11th, 2007

“Jo graduated from college with a degree in English and moved with Charlie to Seattle. Charlie is branching out her business there and Jo got a job in teaching middle school. I don't understand how she can deal with them, but she manages somehow.”

 

January 24th, 2008

“The economy crashed. Jo lost her job and Charlie’s business is suffering major losses. I’m really glad I graduated last term. Tuition raised exponentially and Jess graduates this term. I don’t have a good job and Jess is working really hard to get work at the hospital as soon as she graduates.”

Sam rubbed his forehead, willing his headache to go away.

“I love you, Dean. Happy Birthday.”

 

September 11th, 2008

“I almost couldn’t afford to come this time, but we made it work. I lost my job because the company shut down. Jess has a good job, though. Jo and Charlie had to move back to Kansas, though, and now live with Ellen. Everyone I know is struggling. Barack Obama and John McCain are promising to fix our economy and history is being made. Obama is the first black man to run for President.”

 

January 24th, 2009

“Cas and Luke broke up. Luke cheated on him in less than a year being married. I punched him. Jess is pregnant with twins. I’m not sure what to do. I’m not sure I’m ready to be a Dad or if I’ll even be a good one. Everyone seems to think so, but I’m terrified. There’s one boy and one girl. We’re naming the boy Dean after you and the girl Emma, after Jess’s grandmother. We moved back to Kansas when we found out.”

 

September 11th, 2009

“Jessica had to have an emergency C-section. Dean survived, but Emma…” Sam trailed off as a wall of grief crashed over him. “I don’t know what to do. Jessica will barely talk to me and I don’t know…”

“I’m hurting.”

 

January 24th, 2010

“Happy Birthday, Dean,” Sam sighed, placing a hot cup of chocolate on the ground, like always.

“Jessica has been staying with her mother. I know she doesn’t blame me for what happened, and I don’t blame her for needing space, but I miss her and I want her to come home. Jo and Charlie started up another business and it is successful so far. Cas is a famous lawyer now. He’s dating an artist named Samandriel, but he goes by Alfie. I don’t understand the nickname, either.”

“Bobby and Jody married. They take care of Dean during the day when I’m at work. Jessica flies into town once a month to visit with Dean. She never stays at home, so I’m surrounded by her stuff. I’m afraid she doesn’t love me anymore.”

 

September 11th, 2010

“Jessica sent me divorce papers.”

 

January 24th, 2011

“Dean is two now. I tell him about you and Emma all of the time. He’s big now and has Jess’s eyes. Jessica still visits him once a month, and she really loves him, but she also told me that she’s going to rescind her parental rights to him. I’m pissed about it and I’m not sure if I should let her visit him after she does that. I’m not sure if it would be good for him if his mom just visits him, but never supports him. I’m going to talk about it with Bobby, Jody, and Ellen.”

“Charlie and Jo kidnap him all of the time. I think they want kids of their own, but they can’t adopt together. They said they’re waiting for gay marriage to be legal nationwide.”

 

September 11th, 2011

“I decided to tell Jessica that she could see Dean when Dean is old enough to understand what happened and wants to see her. She respected my decision and Dean cried. It broke my heart.”

“Cas came to visit me and Dean. He brought Alfie for me to meet and he’s a nice guy – much better than Luke. I can tell they make each other happy in a way Cas wasn’t with Luke. Ellen gave Alfie the talk and I’ve never seen a guy look more terrified.”

“Dean started preschool last month and now knows his abc’s and is learning how to write his name. I was surprised when he came home and wrote all over my fridge with a sharpie. It was a mess and a bitch to get off.”

“I’m glad I have a kid.”

 

January 24th, 2012

“I love you Dean. Happy birthday.”

 

September 11th, 2012

“Dean is three now and learned his first swear. He told Jody: ‘Give me the damn remote.’ Her face was priceless and he sat in timeout for two minutes. I laughed so hard I cried.”

“Cas and Alfie got married in California last week. It was a beautiful ceremony. I’m really happy for them.”

 

January 24th, 2013

“I met a woman. Her name is Amelia. She’s a veterinarian and she’s good with Dean. I’m falling in love with her. I’m happy again.”


End file.
